094. A Few Things I Know About the Script, Part Two

When they arrived at the audiovisual classroom, it was still empty for the moment. But after Tonomori Aki’s earlier warning had helped him calm down, Jiang Yu did not grow anxious; instead, he used the time to organize his thoughts.

After all, whether it was Shihouin Ushiwa as a senior, or as the bestselling writer Tsukishi, neither was an easy person to persuade.

As he considered how he should speak later, Jiang Yu busied himself at the whiteboard with a marker, writing and sketching as he tried to sort out his ideas.

Seeing this, Tonomori Aki sensibly refrained from disturbing him, and waited quietly at the side.

Before long, the classroom door was pushed open again. This time, the two people who entered one after the other were the most important members of the club: the ones responsible for the script and the illustrations.

Shihouin Ushiwa went to the front and sat down, while Shirai Rika chose a seat in the front row as well, but as far away from Shihouin Ushiwa as possible, perhaps to express some kind of firm resolve.

Shihouin Ushiwa rubbed at her eyes, which were still noticeably swollen despite having slept almost the entire day at school... though perhaps that was precisely why they looked even more swollen.

Clearly exhausted from staying up all night, Shihouin Ushiwa still tried her best to maintain her usual air, and glanced lazily at Jiang Yu as he wrote and drew on the board.

"So," she said carelessly, "let’s hear your opinions. About the script."

Ah, perhaps it should be mentioned here that at noon Tonomori Aki had already distributed the script written by Shihouin Ushiwa to every club member.

Before the other two could speak, Shirai Rika was the first to open her mouth. In a tone of utter indifference, she said, "I thought Tsukishi only wrote muddled, indecisive love stories."

Shihouin Ushiwa caught the straight-on jab with effortless ease, and replied with a faint smile, "To hold that kind of stereotyped view of a writer who has only published one work, do you think that’s appropriate, Lady Kashiwagi Eri?"

Tonomori Aki interjected curiously, "Speaking of which, Eri, so you’ve read ‘Love Metronome’ too?"

Shirai Rika froze for a moment, then turned her head away and said with exaggerated indignation, "Hah? I never read it! I was just talking nonsense based on my impression!"

"...Whether as a reader or a creator, that statement is pretty terrible, isn't it?" Tonomori Aki responded helplessly, having not expected Shirai Rika to say something like that.

"Tonomori, what do you think? Is it still the same opinion you had at noon?" Seeing that Tonomori Aki and Shirai Rika seemed about to start bickering over something trivial again, Shihouin Ushiwa timely cut in.

Tonomori Aki scratched his head in distress and said with a sigh, "Sorry, Ushiwa-senpai. I still just think it feels weird, but I don’t know how to explain it."

"Hmph~ Tonomori, only a producer who gives irresponsible, clueless directions would say something like that, wouldn’t he?" Shirai Rika seized on the opening and pressed her attack on him.

Jiang Yu was still writing on the whiteboard, but he had been paying close attention to their conversation. This time, he found himself in strong agreement with what Shirai Rika had said.

In any project, producers and directors may offer opinions to creators, but they cannot say things like "I just feel it’s no good" without any basis.

Likewise, he had not expected that Tsukishi, who could write such a delicate and gut-wrenching love story, could also write lines with such a heavy air of chuunibyou.

Given Tsukishi’s previous style and the literary flavor she had displayed, it truly would not have been easy to imagine she could take this sort of writing path as well.

Jiang Yu finally stopped what he was doing, turned around, and met Shihouin Ushiwa’s wine-red eyes directly. Those star-bright pupils inexplicably made her feel a sudden flutter of panic.

Then he said, "Senpai’s story is very well written. In terms of both the prose and the development of the plot, it can be said to fully meet the requirements. However..."

Shihouin Ushiwa, who had initially had the corners of her mouth slightly lifted, saw that word of contrast and her expression could not help but settle. She stared fixedly at Jiang Yu, waiting for what he would say next.

Tonomori Aki and Shirai Rika were also watching Jiang Yu, both looking serious as he spoke at length.

"However, it is too good."

"??? x3"

Seeing the bewildered expressions on everyone’s faces, Jiang Yu explained, "Senpai clearly wrote the script using the same approach she used when writing light novels before, but a game script is very different from a traditional novel. Apart from a small number of works that win by surprise, most novels, especially light novels, are also in the first person, but they add a great deal of the protagonist’s inner monologue."

"A novelist uses language to reveal the inner world and patterns of action of the characters. Within the exquisitely woven net of storytelling, we experience the ripples of empathy stirred by the tale through the narrator’s ‘eyes’; this is the novel’s ‘intertextuality.’ But in games, players can feel the story through the combination of visuals and music. Many of the classics in game history have endured precisely because the characters’ dialogue, music, and visuals of the time all worked together, allowing them to become classic scenes in the eyes of most players."

"Senpai’s script is not bad, but some parts of it are too novel-like. For example, when Okabe first sees Kurisu Makise dead, Senpai uses a great deal of psychological description to express Okabe’s fear and unease. But if this is to be delivered as a script in a game, we can rely on music and visuals to convey to the player the emotions the protagonist felt at that time."

"Besides, apart from a small portion of players, most people won’t read every line so carefully. If there is too much internal monologue, they may even see it as an unnecessary burden. After all, through the reddening, spiraling visuals and the tense music, they have already felt the fear, guilt, unease, and the slight relief after escaping that Okabe experienced in that moment."

"In summary, Senpai’s script is quite good as a novel. If the final work receives a strong enough response in the future, releasing a novel version would certainly not be impossible. But from the perspective of a game script, I can only give it a passing mark."

When he finished, Jiang Yu let out a long breath and looked rather anxiously at the frowning Shihouin Ushiwa. Although he believed his opinion was quite correct, if the person involved could not accept it, he would have to come up with a better way of convincing her.

After all, as the first work Jiang Yu had resolved to bring into this world, and with Okabe Rintaro being the male protagonist he admired most, he placed great importance on the game’s completeness. It was not merely about copying it directly; he even harbored the ambition of surpassing Steins Gate from his past life and bringing it out in a more perfect form.