Volume One, Chapter 75: "Don’t you think this is even more thrilling?"
It was the winter break of Xu Zhi’s freshman year.
No one knew that Liang Jinmo had returned to the country; the Liang family cared nothing for his existence. He had no way to contact Xu Zhi, nor did he wish for anyone in the Liang family to know he was back, so he resorted to the most primitive method—
He sat waiting in the café opposite the main gate of the villa district, hoping for a chance encounter.
He had patience enough to sit for hours; the first two days yielded nothing. On the third day, he finally saw Xu Zhi.
She seemed very sensitive to the cold, wrapped in a long orange down coat, heavy snow boots on her feet, and a fluffy hat atop her head.
Her hair had grown much longer; he realized it had been more than half a year since he last saw her.
He left the café, and by the time he reached the other side of the road, Xu Zhi had already walked some distance ahead.
There were over thirty meters between them. He saw her suddenly stop by the flowerbed bordering the green belt and bend down.
Looking along, he noticed a stray cat in the flowerbed—a tabby. Xu Zhi took off her gloves, retrieved something from her bag—he couldn’t see clearly, only that she opened a package and poured its contents at the edge of the flowerbed.
The kitten approached, sniffed, and began to eat.
Xu Zhi squatted beside it, supporting her chin with her hand, her head tilted slightly, lips curved in a faint smile.
Compelled by some inexplicable urge, Liang Jinmo took out his phone, focused on her, and, constrained by distance, could only capture her profile—not very clear. He set his phone to silent and pressed the shutter.
The photo showed one person and one cat, looking extraordinarily harmonious.
Was this how her daily life was? Carrying food with her, feeding stray cats when she went out—what would she do next?
He felt a spark of curiosity, something he hadn’t experienced in a long time, especially not about another person’s life.
The kitten finished eating, meowed twice at Xu Zhi, and she waved goodbye. The cat turned and disappeared into the grass.
This one person and one cat seemed almost able to communicate.
She stood up, tossed the wrapper into a nearby trash bin, and continued walking.
He followed at a measured distance.
His decision to return had been impulsive; he could have simply approached her and spoken, but he wasn’t sure how she would react.
All those years, aside from tearing up his test papers with Liang Muzhi, she always kept her distance whenever others were around, as if she didn’t know him. Only when no one else was present would she, furtive as a thief, quietly speak to him or slip him something.
He was still debating when Xu Zhi reached her destination.
Xu Ji Soup Dumplings.
He learned a little more—she liked to eat here.
He watched her enter, hesitating outside the shop, considering whether to go in, when he glanced up at the window on the second floor.
He saw two people sitting across from each other.
Opposite Xu Zhi sat Liang Muzhi.
Xu Zhi took off her hat, and Liang Muzhi, smiling, reached out to touch her hair.
Xu Zhi pouted, as if complaining about something.
But she didn’t pull away.
Liang Jinmo stood below, face slightly upturned, quietly observing the scene.
How could he have forgotten…
Xu Zhi and Liang Muzhi had always been inseparable. It was the same in the past.
They even had a ridiculous childhood betrothal. Now, both adults, their relationship remained close. Perhaps they were already together, maybe they would even marry.
He didn’t know what possessed him to do something so foolish. There was nothing for him in this country, yet he traveled thousands of miles back just to see a girl who would never belong to him.
Never belong to him, like a fleeting light passing over him, giving him a long illusion.
He thought of the tabby cat in the grass; he was just like that little creature—only receiving her kindness in moments of passing compassion.
He turned and left, returning to America the very next day.
Sitting on the plane, he found that photo on his phone and stared at it for a long time, trying to discern something in the way she looked at the tabby.
At last, he confirmed: her gaze toward the kitten was far gentler than any she ever gave him.
Whenever she looked at him, it was mostly with a hint of nervousness, afraid someone might see her talking to him; at least feeding the stray cat required no secrecy.
With such a relationship, what room was there for fantasy?
He stared at the photo, hovered over “Delete,” his finger pausing at “Confirm.”
Forget it…
He thought, it’s just a photo, and the only one he had.
Xu Zhi would probably never know that he had once returned just to see her, only to leave again, alone.
She would never know how many times he had taken out that photo, examined it, and grown disgusted with himself for this hopeless infatuation.
When people come close to something they long for, they desperately want to claim it, mark it as their own. He was no exception: wanting to possess, to own, to be justified, to stand in the light…
Desires are never easily quelled.
Later that night, Liang Jinmo still applied medicinal oil for Xu Zhi.
Throughout her washing up, he carried her back and forth; he really didn’t seem to mind the trouble. With no one else around, she gradually grew used to it.
When they climbed into bed again, Liang Jinmo, before leaving, pressed a goodnight kiss to her lips. “Think about everything tomorrow; tonight, just rest well.”
He said so, but after he left, she couldn’t help tossing and turning in bed.
Everything that happened today was far beyond the boundaries for someone as rule-abiding as herself.
Xu Heping would surely throw a fit. Yet thinking of that brought her a rebellious thrill. She planned, someday, to tell Xu Heping she was with Liang Jinmo.
Whenever she thought of Liang Jinmo, her mind drifted uncontrollably to the chaos on the bed earlier. She couldn’t stop herself from gently touching her lips with her fingertips.
The next morning.
Before Xu Zhi got out of bed, she received a WeChat message from Liang Jinmo: Are you awake?
She didn’t reply, instead limped out to the living room.
Liang Jinmo sat on the sofa. Seeing her, he put down his phone and frowned, standing up. “You shouldn’t be walking so much. Why didn’t you call me to carry you?”
As he reached to pick her up again, Xu Zhi hurried to say, “I need to move around a bit, otherwise my muscles will atrophy. It’s really not that serious; after the medicinal oil last night, the swelling’s already gone down.”
Liang Jinmo was still uneasy. After she sat on the sofa, he knelt beside her, holding her ankle for a closer look.
It was indeed better than yesterday, but still swollen. “Don’t go running around today. Just stay indoors.”
Xu Zhi pouted. “Jinmo, you’re acting like one of those boring elders who love lecturing.”
Liang Jinmo looked up, reached out to pinch her lips. “Well, I am the elder, aren’t I?”
Xu Zhi said, “Then I won’t call you ‘brother’ anymore, okay?”
“What would you like to call me?”
Liang Jinmo was perfectly composed.
Xu Zhi couldn’t think of anything right away. “Don’t you think… with our relationship now, calling you ‘brother’ feels kind of weird?”
She blushed halfway through her sentence. What brother would pin his sister to the bed like that…
Liang Jinmo seemed to read her mind instantly and was very blunt: “You don’t like calling me ‘brother’ in bed?”
Xu Zhi’s face turned scarlet, unable to speak.
He suddenly curled his lips into a faint, wicked smile.
“Don’t you think that makes it more exciting?”
The living room was very quiet. Xu Zhi was about to explode; she grabbed a nearby cushion and covered her face. “Shut up, you!”