Chapter Sixty-Six: Oh My God!

Li Yi looked up and saw a young man exuding an air of arrogant privilege. Li Yi knew he was Li Er’s son, though he wasn’t sure which one. He nudged Cheng Chumo beside him. “Who is this? So full of himself! And not very bright either!”

Cheng Chumo glanced up, his eyes showing disgust. “That’s His Majesty’s fifth son, King Yan, Li You!”

Li Yi suddenly understood. So it was this “beast”! Then the other prince who came today must be “worse than a beast”—Li Yin!

“Hmph! Fifth brother, my affairs are not yours to meddle with. Just mind your own business!” Li Chengqian hadn’t spoken yet, but Li Ke stepped in to defend him, leaving Li Chengqian touched. Li Yi watched, smiling knowingly. Brothers—once the knot between them is untied, nothing else matters.

Li You, chastised by Li Ke, felt utterly humiliated. He shot an angry glance at Li Ke, but then happened to catch sight of Li Yi, who was “reveling in his misfortune” nearby, and grew even more furious!

“Who are you, and why are you laughing? Why have you not bowed upon seeing me?”

Li Yi was stunned. Good lord, this was like a rabid dog—biting whoever it saw! But he was not one to be intimidated.

“So it is Your Highness King Yan. I am Li Wenyong, a humble servant, sent by His Majesty to tend to the barbecue here, occupied with official duties and unable to pay proper respects. I beg Your Highness’ indulgence!”

“What official duties? You—”

Li You started to say more, but Li Chengqian intervened. “Fifth brother! That’s enough. We’re all here by Father’s command. Don’t go too far!”

Li You glared angrily at Li Yi, snorted coldly, and said, “You just wait. We’ll see about this!” Then he turned and left with a flourish.

Li Yi was baffled.

Cheng Chumo chuckled. “Seems His Highness King Yan is quite shrewd! He knows to pick the softest fruit to squeeze!”

Li Yi glared at Cheng Chumo, grinding his teeth. “What did you just say? Who’s the soft fruit?”

Cheng Chumo instantly felt awkward. “Oh dear, Huaiyu has called me to chop wood—I forgot! I’d better hurry!” Grabbing an axe, he fled in haste.

“Pfft!” Li Yi rolled his eyes at Cheng Chumo’s retreating figure, then reflected on what had just happened. This Li You was clearly trouble; though today’s incident was minor, he might seek revenge in future. Best to stay alert. And really, what kind of sons has Li Er produced? Each more troublesome than the last! As he pondered, Li Yi glanced at Li Er—and immediately noticed something.

“Oh my god!”

Li Yi had only looked at Li Er, but hadn’t expected to see Li Er proudly showing off the fan Li Yi had gifted him, boasting about it to the gathered ministers with a gleeful expression. Seeing the covetous glances of those scholarly officials, Li Yi sensed trouble brewing. Folding fans already held a special allure for scholars, and coupled with the verses and calligraphy Li Yi had inscribed—two styles never before seen! Of course, some had glimpsed the Willow style script before, since Li Yi had written it in the Eastern Palace, but even so, wasn't there also semi-cursive? If a pair of gloves could spark a frenzy among those old rascals, what about a fan!

Li Yi saw disaster coming and tried to slip away—but he was a step too late!

“Wenyong, my good nephew, where are you going?”

Li Yi turned to see Fang Xuanling eyeing him with ill intent.

Li Yi forced a laugh. “Ah! I just need to visit the privy. Nature calls!”

Fang Xuanling sneered. “No need—among men, you can settle it here.”

Li Yi stepped back two paces. “That’s not appropriate; I am a civilized man. Better to handle such matters elsewhere!”

“Fine! Then I’ll accompany you. I suddenly feel the urge myself!”

Li Yi was at his wit’s end. Too much bullying! “Actually, Uncle, the urge has passed. I’m perfectly refreshed!”

Fang Xuanling chuckled and grabbed Li Yi by the arm. “All right, then come with me. I have some matters to discuss!”

“Uncle Fang, wait—let me give a few instructions to these fellows so they don’t burn the meat!”

Fang Xuanling, catching the scent of roasting meat, swallowed hungrily. “Very well, but be quick!”

Li Yi gave Fang Xuanling a dry smile and turned to Li Chengqian.

“Yi, what’s happened?”

“Don’t ask—I’m about to be robbed again. No time to explain. You’d best find a way to invite Her Majesty the Empress to rescue me; I don’t think I can handle those old reprobates!”

Li Chengqian nodded and hurried off.

“Hey, Weide, keep an eye on the meat, don’t burn it! If the barbecue’s ruined, we’ll be left with nothing!” Seeing things under control, Li Yi offered a silent prayer to the Buddha, hoping the old man wasn’t off duty. Then he left with Fang Xuanling, feeling as if he were walking to his doom.

...

“Look, the man himself is here. If you have questions, ask him!” Li Er, in truth, regretted his earlier actions. He’d been discussing poetry with the ministers and couldn’t resist showing off the fan Li Yi had given him. But that had stirred up a hornet’s nest, and Li Er, beset by questions, was dizzy with confusion. Seeing Li Yi arrive, he immediately seized the chance to shift the focus.

As soon as the ministers saw Li Yi, they surged toward him like fish to bait, cats to mice, dogs to dung.

“So you are Li Wenyong? Young man, did you write the characters on His Majesty’s fan?”

“Are the verses yours as well?”

“How did you make the fan? Where can we buy one?”

“What script did you use?”

...

Li Yi was blocked at the entrance, surrounded by a crowd of stubbly old men, their yellowed teeth bared, spittle spraying onto his face, making him feel utterly nauseated.

“Stop, stop! Gentlemen, you are people of status—let’s mind our manners! I’m not going anywhere. As the saying goes, you can escape the monk, but not the priest; dodge the first day, but not the second. What’s the rush?”

Li Yi’s words silenced the ministers, who glanced at their disheveled clothes and at each other, their faces flushed with embarrassment. They hastily straightened their attire and retreated to their original places.

Once they’d gone, Li Yi let out a long breath. Terrifying! Other people’s fans are beautiful ladies; mine are a bunch of grizzled old men who don’t even brush their teeth!

Li Yi straightened his clothes, composed himself, and strode inside.

“Your humble servant Li Wenyong greets Your Majesty!” Li Yi’s face was solemn as he bowed to Li Er, hoping he’d realize just what a mess he’d made.

Li Er’s face flushed. “Ahem, so it’s my good nephew! Rise, no need for formalities. Ah—cough, cough. My ministers have some questions for you; feel free to answer them. Don’t mind me!”

Li Yi smiled wryly. “As you command, Uncle.”

Turning to see the ministers ready to pounce again, Li Yi quickly raised a hand. “Enough, gentlemen! Spare yourselves the trouble of questioning me—I’ll explain everything, just listen!”