Chapter Ninety-One: Ugly Aunt!

In Chang’an’s Great Joy Quarter stood a singular manor, the House of Xiang and River.

To men seeking worldly pleasures, such a place ought naturally to have its own special ways of hospitality: perhaps a bevy of young women in daring dress, loose in their speech, full of coquetry, standing about the entrance and calling out with practiced charm, “Sir, come in and play a while!” Then they would choose a target and strike directly, using their bodies and their alluring eyes to make the man fall swiftly and utterly. In the end they would strip him bare, empty his pockets, take every coin he had, and as he departed, send him off with one last line: “Sir, do come again!” — laying a solid foundation for future cooperation. And once they had set their sights on a goal, they would never rest until they had achieved it.

But all of that was only Li Yi’s fantasy, the picture he had imagined in his mind. When he truly stood before the House of Xiang and River, everything was so astonishingly different.

“Th-this is the House of Xiang and River?” Looking at the utterly ordinary archway and frontage before him, Li Yi began to suspect he had come to a false brothel.

How could this be a brothel? It was nothing more than a rather ordinary two-story pavilion. No girls soliciting customers everywhere, no cosmetic fragrance drifting through the air, only a quiet plaque resting there in low-key dignity. Though the building looked luxurious, it was not gaudy; though lavish, it was not vulgar. It was the perfect union of nobility and grandeur, opulence and refinement. It was, quite simply, a place so normal it could not have been more normal.

“Hahaha! Brother Yi, just follow me!” Li Ke laughed heartily and strode in first. Cheng Chumo also gave a low, lewd chuckle and entered with long steps. Hmm. The more one looked at them, the more shameless they seemed.

Li Yi paused slightly, then laughed as well. True enough—only what was unusual could be considered normal. If everything here were ordinary, then there would be no need for him to come at all.

Once the three of them entered the House of Xiang and River, they immediately felt a wave of scholarly fragrance wash over them. Within, poems, books, calligraphy, and paintings were everywhere, while gifted men and beautiful women were discussing the classics and debating ideas, composing verses and painting. There were some young women as well, but they merely played the zither in the corner or danced occasionally at the center of the stage, without the slightest impropriety. Seeing all this, Li Yi finally understood why Changle and Xueyan had dared to let him come here. This place was pure beyond pure. Here, what could one even do besides indulging in melancholy sighs? Down here, the lower half of the body had no place to exert itself at all.

Li Yi was still marveling when an “unparalleled beauty” approached from the other side, speaking at the moment with Li Ke. Because of the angle, Li Yi could only see her from behind, but just from that back view, this woman was absolutely on the level of causing men to sin. Thus Li Yi concluded that she must be a peerless beauty capable of bringing ruin to a kingdom and disaster to a realm. In a place like this, meeting such a beauty, to say he was unmoved would be nonsense. But being moved did not mean he liked her. Hmm. It was only a bodily impulse, yes, exactly that. Li Yi found himself a reason and then took the initiative to greet her.

“Hahaha, this young lady, I am Li—uh... excuse me for a moment. May I ask who you are?” The smile on Li Yi’s face was forcibly swallowed back down, replaced by utter disbelief and... a trace of fear.

And the moment Li Yi spoke, the young lady turned her head. At once, Li Yi was thunderstruck. As the saying goes, a back view can bring ten thousand cavalry to a sudden halt; a face can frighten off a million lords. Li Yi had never understood this very deeply before, but now he felt it with painful clarity, his self-introduction choked back down in an instant.

To be fair, this could not all be blamed on Li Yi. The contrast was simply too extreme. From behind, the woman looked absolutely catastrophic in the best possible sense. But from the front, to call her a devil would have been praising her. Her features were, in fact, quite regular, yet the sight of her made one feel ill, because her face bore many things that should never have been there. It was like a masterpiece painting ruined by a few drops of ink in the wrong places; all at once, the entire work became filthy and unbearable. It sounded unbelievable, but that was truly how Li Yi felt now. That was the impression this “beauty” gave him.

Seeing Li Yi’s expression, Li Ke immediately understood what had happened. No wonder—when they first met Miss Ugly, they had been even worse than Li Yi. “Miss Ugly, please don’t take offense. My friend is just that sort of person. If he has offended you, I beg your pardon.”

The “beauty” called Miss Ugly frowned slightly, then smoothed her expression at once. Clearly she had encountered this sort of thing far too often and was long used to it. “It is nothing. Your Highness the Prince of Shu is joking. I know very well what I look like; how could I dare blame anyone else? I only hope I have not offended an honored guest.” Though her words were modest enough, there still flickered in her eyes a touch of pride and disdain.

That glance, brief as it was, was still caught by Li Yi, who had been unable to resist examining her. At once he found it strange, because that look should never have appeared in an ugly woman’s eyes. Such an expression required formidable confidence to emerge so naturally, and an ugly woman ought never possess that kind of confidence.

Li Yi felt he had caught onto something. Yet his face remained unreadable. “Um... Miss Ugly, I am Li Yi, courtesy name Wenyong. A pleasure to meet you. I was rude just now, and ask your forgiveness.”

Hearing Li Yi apologize, Miss Ugly’s expression finally softened for real, and she nodded. “Honored guests, please follow me.”

A brothel manager had actually accepted an apology from a prince and the grandson of a high official. It had to be said: the waters of the House of Xiang and River were truly deep.

The three of them followed Miss Ugly toward a private room, but halfway there she suddenly turned back and asked Li Yi with some surprise, “Sir said your name is Li Yi? Could you be the recently famed Jade Qilin, Li Wenyong?”

Li Yi was slightly surprised, and also a little smug. “Hahaha, I suppose that must be me. I never expected Miss Ugly to have heard of my humble fame.”

A flash of brilliance passed through Miss Ugly’s eyes, and the slight irritation from before vanished entirely. “In Chang’an there now appears a sign of fortune; the qilin descends and startles the four quarters of the world. How could I not know of the renowned Jade Qilin, Li Wenyong?”

“Hahaha, I can’t believe I’m already this famous!” Li Yi laughed. “In Chang’an there now appears a sign of fortune; the qilin descends and startles the four quarters of the world. Hah! How polite. The talent may not be much, but every line speaks from the heart. Very good, very good!”

When Li Ke and Cheng Chumo heard Li Yi’s shameless boasting, they both wanted to say they did not know him. He was far too shameless.

Miss Ugly was also stunned by Li Yi’s words, then burst out laughing. Hmm. If not for the flaws in that face, that smile alone would have enchanted a hundred thousand troops. What a pity—now it could only frighten a hundred thousand back.

Young Master Li truly has a delightful temperament, bold and straightforward. Since Young Master Li has come, I must entertain you properly, lest people say I have been discourteous. The three of you, please follow me.