Chapter Sixty-Two: A Contest of Odors—Who’s Afraid?

Chapter Sixty-Two: Who’s Afraid of a Contest of Smell?

“Damn it, is this even possible?” Zhu Liang, the chief clerk of the Guest Department at the Honglu Temple, was both shocked and furious, his eyes nearly popping out of their sockets.

Heaven knows how much effort Zhu Liang had poured into keeping Lala Wangwang and his companions from causing trouble over the past month. How many people had stabbed him in the back, whispering behind his back? Despite all this, mistakes kept cropping up, and his superior called him in several times, pointing at his nose and telling him to quit if he couldn’t handle it.

Today, first some unknown household retainer had sent Lala Wangwang sprawling, and then Chang’an’s notorious rascal Guo Nu arrived, shooting two arrows right over Lala Wangwang’s head. Instantly, all the Tubo men became docile as lambs.

Had he known it would be like this, everyone at the Honglu Temple’s Guest Department, himself included, wouldn’t have treated the Tubo envoys like ancestors! From the very first meeting, they should have just taken up a little whip and struck whenever displeased—wouldn’t all the trouble have been nipped in the bud, neat and clean?

“Chief Clerk, please! Though we’re outside Chang’an, if a conflict breaks out, Deputy Wu of the Guest Department won’t look good, will he?” Lala Wangwang, seeing Zhu Liang just staring at him without responding, grew increasingly anxious. He bent down, picked up a chunk of doghead gold, and held it out in both hands.

“I’ve told you time and again—not to force a deal!” In front of so many people, Zhu Liang seized the doghead gold without ceremony and quickly stuffed it into his sleeve pocket. “You just wouldn’t listen! So, you’ve run into real trouble now, haven’t you? Let me tell you, that man is Guo Nu. His father is a fourth-rank official, and his uncle is the prefect of Weizhou. The Six Spirit Floral Dew is likely their family’s business. They just use someone else to make a splash, making future transactions easier.”

“I know, I know!” Lala Wangwang only hoped to avoid conflict today. He bent again, picked up a tiger penis, and forcefully pressed it into Zhu Liang’s hand. “Please help explain—I really didn’t mean to force anyone today, I swear before the gods. It’s just that Chang’an is so hot, and we got a bit impatient in our business dealings.”

“Fine! I’ll help you hold him off, but how this ends depends on how you handle yourself!” After years of accepting bribes, Zhu Liang—this time—felt justified. He stuffed the tiger penis into his sleeve pocket, then strode quickly toward Guo Nu. “Is it Second Young Master Guo? Zhu Liang of the Honglu Temple’s Guest Department—greetings! How is Prefect Guo lately? I haven’t visited him in a while!”

Don’t mess around. I know your powerful connections, but I know your grandfather. If you cross me, I’ll go to your family and complain!

The subtext was crystal clear. Once thrown out, Guo Nu’s arrogance instantly deflated by half.

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“You know my grandfather?” He put away his riding bow, dismounted, and strode over to Zhu Liang, clasping his hands in salute. “Guo Nu, a humble subject, greets Chief Clerk Zhu! May I ask, why are you leading a group of foreign savages to my mentor’s doorstep?”

“Mentor!” Zhu Liang held his breath and stepped back, half because of Guo Nu’s sweat stench, half because of how he addressed Zhang Qian.

The title of ‘mentor’ in this era was nothing like the greedy teachers of later times, forcing children to jump from buildings over tuition fees. Every true mentor gave all their skill and fortune to their disciples, paving a golden path for them. Apart from royalty, disciples treated their mentors like fathers. If anyone bullied a mentor, it was as if they’d bullied one’s father—and a son would draw his blade without hesitation.

“Though Zhang and I address each other as brothers, he is truly my mentor.” Realizing a slip in his speech, Guo Nu kept a straight face and covered it with more lies. “Who are these men? Why are they blocking my mentor’s door? Chief Clerk Zhu, I recall the Honglu Temple’s duty is to educate and pacify barbarians on behalf of the Tang, not to lead them to bully our own people!”

As he spoke, he flapped his arms up and down like an eagle, ready at any moment to pull Zhu Liang under his arm for a close chat.

“No, no, you misunderstand, Young Master!” Zhu Liang, terrified, retreated two more steps, waving his hands like windmills. “They are followers of the Tubo envoys. Somehow, they learned that Six Spirit Floral Dew was made by your mentor. So they brought plenty of money for a transaction. If you don’t believe me, look—these are their deposits!”

He pointed quickly at the ground—at the jade, tiger penis, leopard bones, and doghead gold—afraid Guo Nu would grab him under his arm for a long talk.

“Deposits, deposits—not buying the recipe, just buying all the Six Spirit Floral Dew!” Seeing Zhu Liang so afraid, Lala Wangwang set aside his previous arrogance and hurriedly saluted. “These are all deposits, all for Six Spirit Floral Dew. Please, Young Master and your mentor, make some quickly so we can take it home to honor our gods!”

“All of this, just for Six Spirit Floral Dew?” Guo Nu was overjoyed, though he kept a disdainful face. “These wild herbs and rotten bones—what are they worth? The jade is still raw, who knows what will come of it? Only the doghead gold is barely worth some coin, but the purity needs testing!”

Elsewhere, if someone belittled his possessions like this, Lala Wangwang would have beaten them bloody. But here, in a Tang village outside Chang’an, facing the infamous Guo Nu, he couldn’t muster any anger.

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Suppressing his rage, he forced a smile, bent, and saluted. “Come now, we traveled thousands of miles to Chang’an—how could we bring ordinary raw stones? Have your men cut them, and if you don’t get fine jade, I’ll refund you. As for the doghead gold, it’s mainly for the gods’ favor; no one would really melt it for gold.” (Note: doghead gold usually contains silver and copper, not pure gold.)

“That’s in your lands, where people treat any stone as treasure. Here, doghead gold is refined into ingots after impurities are removed.” Knowing Lala Wangwang spoke the truth, Guo Nu still wore a disdainful expression, striking at him. “You believe in the gods; we don’t. Here, we believe in the Daoist Lord, the Sage, and the Buddha. They care only for sincerity, not material offerings!”

“Indeed, indeed, the Tang is the richest nation under heaven—not like us, where everything is scarce.” Lala Wangwang dared not object, only wiping the sweat from his face and agreeing with Guo Nu.

Seeing both Lala Wangwang and Zhu Liang so flexible, Guo Nu felt awkward about pushing too far. He left them and strode over to Zhang Qian, bowing to request, “Mentor, how should these two be dealt with? Please instruct me!”

“Nonsense—since they’ve come to place an order, why deal with them?” With so many people watching, Zhang Qian couldn’t reveal that he and Guo Nu were merely partners, not mentor and disciple. Smiling, he stepped forward, half holding his nose. “You’ve deliberately made yourself so foul again? Are you trying to die? Go wash and change! Stop trying to disgust people all day!”

“Mentor, that man is even smellier than me!” Guo Nu clamped his arms tight, protesting with a face full of grievance, not giving Lala Wangwang any dignity.

“He’s not my friend. Whether he stinks or not is none of my concern!” Zhang Qian shot him a glare and muttered, “If you want to come here again, stop disgusting people. And remember what you should call me!”